My journey with God didn’t begin in a church or during an outdoor revival. It actually began in the midst of pain and sorrow which led me to the end of my life.
Growing up as a young girl I was raised with very loving parents. We didn’t have much money, but we had love and never did without food or the necessities. But by the time I was sixteen I found myself in a situation that would lead me to trying methamphetamine for the first time along with marijuana. At that time I had no idea how generational curses could literally grab ahold of you in one moment and almost destroy your life.
I met my now husband during this time and by the time I was seventeen I found myself pregnant. It was during this time of my life as if the drugs weren’t bad enough that I now had made a decision that would literally spiral my life out of control. Against what I felt like I wanted to do I made the decision to move forward with aborting our child.
That day will always be burned into my mind and the pain and emptiness that I felt inside after that moment. The feeling that I didn’t deserve to live much less enjoy what life I had. The days, months and years that followed that decision was hell. My life of drugs continued to spiral out of control. And by the time I was in my twenties I became ill with an illness that doctors couldn’t figure out that caused severe pain for six years.
After multiple surgeries and many failed attempts to doctors fixing me I had lost all hope. By this time, I was married to my husband Jason and had two amazing kids. For many years I thought the hell I was going through was for the decision I made back when I was seventeen. I share more about my life in my books God’s Gift – The Rock and American Idols.
Not being raised in church and not having a personal relationship with God. I wasn’t sure where I was headed but I knew my body was tired and I soon wouldn’t be able to live the way I had been. By this time, I was already on so many medications including opioids that the pills literally controlled my life.
Somehow, I knew life for me here on earth was going to end. So, I did what I heard all preachers say and I asked God for forgiveness. As I laid in bed one night next to my husband, I silently asked Jesus to forgive me of my sins. Because if He was real, I didn’t want to confess to them in front of Him. I even took time over the next couple of days to write letters to each one of my kids, husband and write out the details for my funeral. I was prepared to say “Goodbye” and accept my punishment for what I had done.
It was just a few weeks later that I would experience Heaven and look Jesus into His eyes and Him whisper after I said “I’m so sorry” that everything would be okay. The peace I finally felt in my spirit and soul is more than words can explain. I was finally in a place of no more pain and engulfed in a love I had never experienced before.
Before my spirit and soul were returned back to my body the Lord told me “You have to go back and tell people we have a loving and forgiving God. But you won’t be there long because I’m going to come back and get you along with everyone else.” The purpose of this blog website is to share what God shares with me as we all prepare for the return of Jesus. I believe we are extremely close, and little is being taught on how to get spiritually ready for one of the biggest moments in history.
I believe being open, truthful, and very transparent is key to changing and evolving into who God has created us to be. This will be a very open and raw blog page in hopes that many will wake up and turn their lives over to God, and not miss the return of Jesus. Just as I have openly shared about my abortion I want and encourage us all to openly look at ourselves, examine our own hearts, to see where we possibly could be in the wrong and miss Jesus.
Not everyone is going to go only those who have prepared themselves and made themselves ready. God is looking for a Bride that is spotless and blames at the coming of His Son Jesus Christ. He’s not looking for someone who’s perfect. God is looking for people who will openly admit they need Him and understand that it’s only by Him that we can accomplish anything.
Life Celebrant Anita J. Shipman